So I went drinking last night.
And I woke up today, not feeling too good. Talked to ig on the phone, and I do admit my attitude was horrid. Which led him to hang up on me.
And that got me thinking, alot. Well frankly speaking..I don't expect anyone to tolerate my shit.
Especially people that I hold closest to me. I don't want to make anyone feel miserable just because of my own selfish-ness.
But...I do hope sometimes tht somebody, if not anybody, would just ask me what's wrong instead of brushing me off.
Just that hint of concern would be enough. And I don't understand why it's so hard for him to just ask me if I'm alright instead of telling me I'm being fucked up.
I mean don't you think tht there are reasons for me to be feeling upset/moody?
One doesn't just wake up and be like 'man i'm pissed off today' for no good reason.
Sometimes I wonder who really cares and understands.
Cuz to me the only person who really did was him.
Well ain't that a pity.
I do wish that he was still here with me. Guiding me through everything and telling me that things are gonna be alright.
Always listening and knwing all the right words to say.
But he's gone. Well, physically.
I know that he's still here with me every step of the way. He would always be right here with me.
And so would I to him.
Through all of this I've learnt alot. I've learnt never to totally depend on and never to dedicate everything you've got to anyone at all.
In the end you're the one tht's gonna have to pay for it.
Since the day he was gone, I've been so lost. And till now I'm still searching for my way back.
I've managed to get back onto the right path (i think) but with no idea about where I'm going.
Still trying though. I'm sure that one day things would be just fine. Or so I hope.
That space in my heart has been replaced by ig and I can't even put out into words how much he means to me.
But it's just different.
It was great at the start, perfect actually.
But now it's just..Maybe I'm just tired of everything.
I don't know.
